Today is Ella's first birthday ~ Happy Birthday to Ella ~ and thanks so much to her mom and dad, Sarah and Ryan for sharing a great birth story!
My Birth Story
When
Ryan and I first started trying to expand our family we had two
miscarriages and it was during that time I really started thinking
about what I wanted in my pregnancy and birth. When we got pregnant
the third time my ideas about birth and what I was looking for had
changed drastically from before we were trying. During my miscarriages I
felt a bit looked over, unfortunately my OB went
on maternity leave 2 days after my first miscarriage and didn’t return
until a few weeks after my second miscarriage. I felt like I had to
press the office for answers and results and really just feeling like I
was my only advocate. It was a hard time made
even harder by these feelings. I reached out to a midwife and
seriously contemplated skipping the OB all together, I loved (and still
do adore) my doctor, but was hurting and scared at how much a felt like a
patient and that I was not being heard.
My
sister-in-law had been through the same things I had with miscarriages
and had a midwife with hospital privileges for her pregnancy’s
and had been singing her praises for several years. I quickly found
that there was only one midwife with hospital privileges here and to me,
the hospital was a non-negotiable. I really wanted to be in the
hospital for my own piece of mind. I think Ryan
gave a sigh of relief when I assured him I would like to have our
daughter in the hospital; his biggest fear was me giving birth in the
canyon!
The
third time I got pregnant I wasn’t expecting it and decided to give my
doctor’s office one last shot. My doctor had returned
from maternity leave and having her back made all the difference. By
this time my ideas for my pregnancy and birth had changed drastically,
while I had once said “Give me the drugs” I was now curious about if I
could have our baby without drugs. I had become
more cognizant of what I was putting in my body and was more aware of
my options. In my quest to find more information about giving birth
naturally I was lucky enough to stumble upon the Bellabirthing website
and immediately wanted to enroll in Sasha’s birth
class.
Needless
to say once we met Sasha we loved her! She was everything I had been
looking for, she challenged my preconceived notions
and allowed us to open up to the many options we had. I never felt
judged by her and she truly opened my mind and heart to choose what I
wanted to do rather than what I felt like I should do and what other
people wanted or expected from me. I had not thought
much about hiring a doula, it had crossed my mind once or twice after
deciding I wanted to try and give birth naturally, but I had feared that
having a doula would make Ryan feel left out or that it would somehow
make it less between Ryan and I. On our way
home from our hospital tour Ryan asked if Sasha was accepting clients,
we decided we wanted a doula, but only if it was Sasha, she was the
right fit for us. Luckily for us Sasha really needed to add a Zamboni
driver on her list of clients
J
No
matter how many times someone told me labor isn’t like the movies I
couldn’t quite process what it would be like for me. So when
the doctor told me to think of 5-1-1, contractions 5 minutes apart, 1
minute long for an hour I took it pretty literally. I woke up the day
my due date very early with what felt to me like light period cramps
which had happened to me quite a bit during the
last two weeks with two back to back bladder infections so I was just
thinking to myself that I needed to drink some more water and not miss
an antibiotic. I was still cramping periodically though the day; I kept
track a little thinking that I would practice
for when I was really in labor. Who has their baby on their due date
anyway? I did think it would be a good idea to carb up that night and
made pasta for dinner, just in case, but again, who has their baby on
their due date?
Sure enough I woke up a few hours
after going to sleep and was having much more intense cramps. I didn’t
think I was in labor because many people explained contractions as
painful and that your stomach would harden with each one. I wasn’t
having that so I just thought I would go stretch
out on the ball downstairs and no need to wake up Ryan, that would just
be a drag if we were both tired the next day right!? Well stretching
didn’t help me much and I really wanted to sit in the bath, so I got it
going and hung out timing what I though was
my very early labor contractions for something to do and to pass the
time. I must have been delusional because when I looked back at the log
my contractions were on average 45 seconds long and throughout the
night went from 7-5 minutes apart. The bath helped
me relax and so I decided to try and fall asleep for a bit longer in
the guest room so I wouldn’t wake up Ryan with my tossing and turning. I
fell asleep for a few hours before Ryan woke me up and I went back to
our room. I slept again for about 2 hours
and woke up when Ryan was getting ready for work. It was at that point
that I was in a fair bit of pain, I asked Ryan to stay home with me and
not to go to work. He agreed and suggested I eat some breakfast in
case today was the day.
Now
let’s get something straight, I had watched Kourtney Kardashian give
birth and she took a shower, blew out her hair and put makeup
on before heading to the hospital. This was my plan, for heaven’s sake
if she can do it I should be able to right?! Well, I asked Ryan to
time my contractions so I could get in the shower. By this time I
figured this was labor, however still thought it
was pretty early, not so much the case. After me calling to start and
stop the timing of contractions a few times and moving around very
slowly I heard a bit of an edge in Ryan’s voice. My contractions were
still 45 seconds long but more like two and half
to three minutes apart. This was not part of my well planned labor
plan, I had a one page typed birth plan that I was hoping to follow and I
still needed to take a shower! I didn’t want to go to the hospital too
early but Ryan coaxed me into calling the
hospital to see what they thought. The doctor had the same edge to her
voice when I told her I lived in Big Sky, that my contractions were
about two and a half to three minutes apart… but only 45 seconds long.
She had to explain to me, twice, that the one
minute is just a reference, and that I should head in to the hospital.
Well,
I texted Sasha, and told her we would call her from the hospital. Oh
by the way, I had no gas in my car, nice move right?
Ryan was not pleased considering the roads were not great, I was not
enjoying my contractions and he had to stop to get gas on our hour ride
to the hospital. But seriously, who has their baby on her due date?!
(I had checked and it is something like 5%,
I really thought I had time ot get gas) Once we got that taken care of
and made it through the canyon I had a change of heart and decided it
was unlikely they were going to send me home and I asked Sasha to meet
us there. The car ride caused my contractions
to slow down considerably and when we got to the hospital if I wouldn’t
have seen the slightly crazed look in Ryan’s eye I would have suggested
we go to breakfast because I thought my labor had stalled. I wasn’t
hungry but figured anywhere would be better
than sitting in the hospital. Once I got out of the car, I changed my
tune, the contractions were fast and hard and I moved like a snail. I
was still disappointed that I hadn’t gotten my shower, and done my hair
and makeup.
When
I arrived in labor and delivery I saw my doctor and completely lost
it. For some reason seeing her made things all real and
what I remember through my sobs was her giving me a hug and another
doctor, who turned out later to by my daughter’s awesome doctor, said,
“Now that looks like a woman in labor.” I am the type of person that
likes to add something to my to-do-list that I
have just done only for the satisfaction of crossing it off the list.
So I was all about them checking how far dilated I was. I like to know
my progress, it helps me to prepare and visualize my goals. So when my
doctor said I was 7 centimeters and that
she had to go do a C-section but that I would possibly be ready to push
by the time she was back I was thrilled with myself for getting to 7 cm
before getting to the hospital. Something I was very adamant about
with myself was understanding that while I wanted
to have a natural birth if I needed medical intervention I needed to be
open to it. I didn’t want to think of my child’s birth as a failure in
any way if it didn’t go as planned. Originally I had thought about
giving birth naturally because I had heard that
some women didn’t respond to epidurals and I knew if I planned to have
an epidural and for some reason I couldn’t I would freak out. If I
planned for the natural birth and needed an epidural that was fine to
me. I really was hoping to not have a C-section
but again reminded myself that if that is what it took to get my
daughter into the world that was fine and that sometimes even the best
of us need a little help.
So
I arrived at the hospital at 9am with Sasha, Ryan and my OB in tow. I
had a great nurse and one of my favorite memories is when
I decided I wanted to get in the tub I got undressed to my underwear
and bra and wanted to get in. My nurse looked at me and motioned to my
underwear saying, “Sweetie, you know you are going to have to take those
off to have this baby right?” I guess it
was her way of saying, “Girl, pretty soon you are going to not care
what you look like, sound like and your modestly will go out the
window.” I was not there yet. I got in the tub, the second to last
place I thought I would want to be (last place to come
later) with my underwear and bra on. I think secretly that nurse just
giggled at me, I would have too, I must have seemed ridiculous. Oh
well, modesty got thrown out the window later. The doctor came back
around noon, three hours later, and I hadn’t progressed
at all. I didn’t want my water broken and so chose to get out of the
tub and try to break my water on my own. Another one of my funny labor
moments was after being checked and deciding to try and get my water to
break I asked someone to grab my yoga pants
so I could put them back on. Sasha looked at me with a smile and told
me that I was the first mom in labor that had asked to put her pants
back on. She helped me get back in my pants and get on the ball, which
was absolutely awful! The one place I thought
I would love turned out to be the worst place ever. I found my
favorite location, much to my dismay, was the toilet. But once I had a
foot stool and pillow behind me it was the best spot in the room, maybe
even better than the tub. By two in the afternoon
I still hadn’t really made much progress, I was at 8cm and I decided
that breaking my water should be the next step. By 2:15 my water was
broken and I went from 8cm to 10cm by 3pm. My poor husband was
mortified by the noises I was making, I remember one
moment where he looked like he was going to shush me, and through
better of it and just held my hand instead. I started pushing on the
bed with my upper body draped over the top of the bed. They did
eventually ask me to lie on my back and I agreed as I just
didn’t care anymore and wanted my baby out of me. I am fairly certain I
even yelled that a few times. Again, poor Ryan was just mortified, but
kept his mouth shut.
At 4:01pm February 23rd my beautiful
baby girl was born. We were so blessed that
it went so well, I was able to do immediate skin to skin, waited for
the cord to empty before having it cut and work on breastfeeding right
away.
They
aren’t lying when they say once the baby is out the pain is gone, I
don’t know if it’s because we were just in awe of our little
peanut or if really there was just no more pain. While I wanted as few
interventions as possible, I did change my mind about the Pitocin IV
after birth. Having had a friend that had very recently nearly bled out
we felt that for us it was the right choice.
My
birth was perfect for me, I went into it with a plan, yet was open to
wherever my birth took me and I think that is what has allowed
me to embrace the birth of my daughter and cherish the memories of it.
I had people tell me that I wouldn’t win a medal for not having the
drugs, that it doesn’t make me a better parent by having a natural
birth, but for me that wasn’t what it was about.
I had wrestled with the decision for a long time and had kept that part
of my plans as well as my choice to have a doula private for most of my
pregnancy. While I didn’t hide my choice I also wasn’t shouting it
from the rooftop. I didn’t want to hear from
people their opinion, whether in my favor or not. There are always
people with opinions, some that will tell you that you are silly to not
have the epidural, some will say that you are irresponsible and somehow
less of a mother if you have a C-section or
don’t have a natural birth. In the end for me it was really about what
felt the best for Ryan and I. If I had labored for 36 hours I most
likely would have gotten an epidural, if for some reason I needed to
have a C-section it would still have brought me
my perfect little baby girl, it doesn’t make her being in my arms any
less valid or real. It doesn’t make my experience any better or worse
than anyone else that I didn’t do something or did do something. I
wanted a hospital birth, I wanted to try and have
a natural birth but in the end it was what felt right to me, not what
anyone else said or thought I should do. That to me is what made it
amazing and truly the perfect birth.
Happy Birthday sweet Ella
